Big Baps... Nice!!!
#1275
This was such a popular freebie last week that we are again offering a week’s free trial of Club Popbitch.
An extra mailout every Monday; next week, you’ll even get some answers to the Big Questions.
“I used to run on coffee and cigarettes all day, and then I gave up smoking. Now I just run on coffee all day” - Daniel Radcliffe
* From Heartthrob to Hate-throb
* Disaster Editions Hit Press
* PLUS: Yes, hello Sandy Sandilands
Stuff amusing us this week - since 2000. Send us tips & trivia, via email, WhatsApp +44 7923 619540 or DM on Instagram.
>> Happy Families <<
No win, no fee
There’s been a lot of schadenfreude in the media in the last couple weeks over The Telegraph’s sale to Axel Springer rather than the Daily Mail.
Despite months of pursuit, we’re told DMGT proprietor Lord Rothermere is pretty sanguine about the loss.
But all those brutal cuts to the Mail to make enough cash to buy their rival might not be wasted, as rumour suggests he’s set for a divorce and fears being taken to the cleaners.
While Claudia (Lady Rothermere) has been on a personal journey backing Reform with a fair bit of dosh, Lord R has been heading in what appears to be another direction, as photos of him attending Rupert Murdoch’s 95th birthday with a different blonde on his arm can attest.
FYI: Their DMGT heir apparent son Vere is getting married this summer, which might make the family circus a tad awkward.
Most Nominated Nominative Determinism of the Week: UK Defence Attaché to the desert outpost of the UAE... Group Captain Sandy Sandilands.
>> Beeb Burgers <<
Meat’s back on the menu boys
The BBC are absolutely dedicated to “calling it out” these days.
No misogyny or close-to-the-knuckle jokes at Broadcasting House. And certainly not at BBC Studios, Salford, please.
Except in their canteen, where the menu this week featured some new sandwiches under the heading “BIG BAPS... NICE!!!”
Spotted on the Northern Line: Trevor Phillips, carrying two phones and, according to the spotter, “wearing terrible shoes”.
>> Big Question <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which actress has been telling randoms on social media that her actor husband cheated on her when she was pregnant? She left the actor for a Hollywood star but claimed everyone’s got it wrong and she was the victim all along. (She later decided to delete all her posts so perhaps she regretted going down that line.)
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>> Gossip Folks <<
Guess it’s worth a go
Our favourite old but new piece of gossip this week - as a kid, Missy Elliott used to obsessively send fan letters to Michael and Janet Jackson.
Tiring of never getting a response, she escalated her story until she was claiming to be a cancer victim in a wheelchair with six months to live.
It’s probably for the best that her ploy never actually worked. Among the Make-A-Wish kids who did get to meet Jackson was Gavin Arvizo, who famously reported him for sexual abuse.
So Missy’s strategy was - while unbeknownst to her - pretty high risk.
Spotted in a Walthamstow post office: a geezer with a “very important document” addressed in sharpie to none other than Stephen Bear, with instructions to “get this to Brazil as soon as possible.”
>> Tech Skinhead <<
They miss the old Kanye
The inexorable rise of AI music sites like Suno has prompted some fairly strong language and emotions from those for and against its use. But nothing on the pro side has quite raised eyebrows like this comment from one of Suno’s main investors.
Hallwood Media was set up by Neil Jacobson, former President of Universal Music Group’s Geffen Records. They’re currently one of the driving forces in Suno’s rise, having invested in 2025.
And what is Hallwood hoping to get from this? Neil Jacobson just told Billboard: “I’m looking for the Kanye of AI music designers. Obviously, I hope he doesn’t hate Jewish people”.
At the Ultimate News Quiz, the annual charity pub quiz for rival teams of pissed hacks, Today programme’s Nick Robinson won the charity auction for a 15kg bag of onions with a bid of £200.
>> Bad Genes <<
A guide to resto etiquette
Mail columnist Nadine Dorries has been poking the bear again.
A couple of weeks ago her column was about how her lunch was ruined when an anonymous actress complained about her granddaughter in a restaurant, saying: “Will someone please shut that child up!”
There’s been a lot of guesses as to whom the actress might be.
But truly, and madly, it seems to have been... Juliet Stevenson.
Luigi Mangione’s cousin Peter plays for Coney Island’s new pro soccer team. His other cousin, Nino, represents the Republican Party in the Maryland House of Delegates.
>> Hate Throb <<
It’s NOT a midlife crisis
It’s a tough life trying to keep yourself booked and busy after you graduate from the soaps. You have to get creative with your next career move.
That’s exactly what Corrie actor Matthew Marsden has done. After appearing in Black Hawk Down, Transformers, Resident Evil and a few episodes of Reacher, Matthew has pivoted to a more rewarding field: the world of right-wing podcasting.
(If you don’t remember Matthew, he played heartthrob mechanic Chris Collins for 137 episodes in the late nineties.)
Living and working in Texas nowadays, he’s carved out a niche for himself in the right-wing fundamentalist world. On his YouTube channel he takes on hot topics like: “Why Immigration Is Ruining The UK” and “N-Word Controversy”. Matthew’s Instagram is a bit more “the devil is real” type of stuff. He even interviewed Tommy Robinson!
The cobbled street world of the Rovers Return has never felt further away.
Keep your finger on the pulse of Manhattan. Sign up to read Breaker Media here.
>> Disaster Stations <<
It’s a bit of a Reach
Few things are certain in the world of gossip, but one thing is for sure: It’s always going to be bad news at Reach.
This week Reach staff had their attentions diverted away from normal everyday editorial tasks and towards something new. Something called a “disaster edition”.
Execs invented the disaster edition to work as a holding paper in case the company ever “lost infrastructure”.
Presumably they meant an IT failure, but in the context of the current geopolitical situation, it wasn’t exactly a comforting task for the horrified hacks.
Yoko Ono once told Paul McCartney she thought John Lennon might have been gay. Paul didn’t believe it.
>> No More Heroes <<
Kitchen bust ups
A lot has happened in the past week since we revealed the absolute shitshow going on behind the scenes at Noma.
Just yesterday celebrity chef and Noma co-founder René Redzepi resigned after 23 years, after a weekend report alleging bullying and abusive behaviour.
It followed an intensified campaign led by former Noma employees, including a NYT investigation, and a protest at the resto’s LA pop-up, which started yesterday.
Redzepi also published a public apology over the weekend saying that he knew he “needed to change”.
Whether any of this will reduce the price of the $1,500 a plate dinners at Noma is still unconfirmed...
Unfortunate tagline of the week: “Enjoy the Life Upstairs”. Not the work of Dignitas but of stairlift company, Stannah. (See also Norfolk District Council’s less than retiree-friendly slogan: “A Better Place”.)
>> Good Vibrations <<
Kickstart that Kickstarter
We weren’t sure kickstarter was a thing any more. Certainly the days of the likes of Amanda Palmer raising +$1m to force people to listen to her records are long gone. The closest we’ve seen in 2026 is 80s US rockers Fishbone getting 50k.
It’s most recent attempt at returning to cultural significance? A butt plug you can keep in forever.
Depending on the cut-out you choose for butt plug, your poo will henceforth be in special shapes. Choose from a “heart shaped exit” or a “star shaped exit”. So far, $0 has been pledged. [See/watch]
Or, if “the world’s first internal music player” is more your thing; you’ve still got time to bag this special vibrator.
It’s not often we say spare a thought for politicians, but Nick Thomas Symonds had a brutal time on the morning shows today. Battered by Nick Ferrari on LBC and Emma Barnett on Today, he was doing the round from home rather than Westminster as he was on his way to a funeral.
>> Hmms <<
Internet bright spots of the week
Salt Bae insists his Dubai restaurant will stay open
[Yet more bad news for the Gulf]
A kinky adult private members club in Leicester has been shut down
[Spot the nominative determinism character]
Someone has made a remix of Toto’s Africa which names every country in Africa
[It’s worth a listen]
Redditors rank the nicest and rudest British celebrities
[Harsh on Hugh Grant]
Harvey Weinstein hates his life on Rikers Island
[Good, imo]
Washington DC has a new bronze statue of Trump embracing Epstein
[Titanic style]
Weirdest festival of the week? “Chat playfully over coffins” at Death Fest in Bangkok
[Cheerful!]
Thanks to: JS, The Pianoman, MJ, EIB, SD, JS, SC. And to everyone who spotted Sandy Sandilands in the sand.
Old Jokes Home
A bit of rope walks into a bar, the barman say: “Are you a bit of rope? We don’t serve rope here”
The rope replies: “No I’m afraid not.”
Still Bored?
Here’s an infographic which will show you the exact point at which every Disney movie will make you cry. [Get your tissues ready]