Buzzed Balls
#1295
World Cup over? Fourth heatwave incoming? Payday weekend? The perfect set of circumstances to enjoy LELO’s new Ina Thrust dual-rabbit massager. Put your feet up, we’ll see you in September.
Even more tempting, right now Popbitch readers get 20% off all LELO products with the code POP20.
[Enjoy!]
“It’s a good thing there was no TikTok back in our day, because I can guarantee one of our nutsacks would have made an appearance” - Ritchie from 5ive
* Padel With Kieran Hayler
* Moth-eaten Media Empires
* PLUS: Bill Oddie Goes Under
Stuff amusing us this week - since 2000. Send us tips & trivia, via email, WhatsApp +44 7923 619540 or DM on Instagram.
>> American Psycho <<
Jared Leto’s beautiful lies
Jared Leto’s dodgy actor/rock star proclivities are front and centre once again, thanks to new BBC documentary, “Hollywood’s Dark Secret”.
Kudos to the BBC for getting this on screen, but not sure if ‘secret’ is quite the right word. Allegations that Leto likes his bananas a little on the green side have swirled for years. The earliest we remember hearing just that was almost 20 years ago, when a UK tabloid’s efforts to report on it were stymied by the usual celeb lawyer shenanigans. (There have been dozens of allegations since, all seemingly batted away so far.)
Even fellow guests at a Netflix Baftas after party at the Chiltern Firehouse noted Leto’s strange behaviour. He sat in the corner on his own, wearing a pair of big headphones, pointing at the girls he wanted to meet and expecting a flunkie to arrange it.
The girls had one thing in common - they all looked under 21. And no, Leto never for one minute took his headphones off.
Jared Leto’s people once demanded on a publicity shoot for a movie that a swimming pool be filled with Evian before he would deign to get in for the photographs. Because Jared is “allergic to water”.
>> Payday Cometh <<
Sorry seems to be the hardest word
This Friday (tomorrow) sees the cost hearing for that big Daily Mail trial win against the Prince Harry Celebrity Seven. Squeaky bum time for the losers, who are waiting to hear how much of the Mail’s costs their insurance will actually cover.
But the potential dosh demand is not their only ongoing concern. The Mail has been relatively restrained until now, but perhaps that will change after the hearing. On-page retribution against the complainants must be tempting.
And it’s not just journos at the Mail who are seething at their portrayal by the celebs. Many of the friends and staff who went out of their way to protect the stars are fuming.
Even legendary publicist Gary Farrow, who’d worked for Elton John for aeons, got dicked over by his old boss’s claim that he’d sacked Farrow for giving up information to journalists (er, surely that’s a PR’s job description?).
When the pop star and publicist split a few years back the story told was that Farrow had resigned because he and Elton disagreed on future plans - not least taking part in this court case.
Tom Holland said he’d rather see Tottenham Hotspur win the Premier League than win an Oscar himself. (If you’re a betting person, William Hill has The Odyssey 4/6 favourite for next year’s Academy Awards. And Spurs winning the league at 30-1.)
>> Big Question <<
Who’s been dirrty this week?
The explosive diarrhoea side-effect of Ozempic is not confined to that Paltrow-Blasberg-Hamptons incident a couple of years back, it’s now almost as widespread in the celeb world as the jabs themselves. Most of these celeb “incidents” are kept under wraps by discreet staff. But which star’s high-handed behaviour antagonised people at one five-star hotel enough for tales of bedsheets left absolutely covered in liquid poo to ahem, leak out?
And once these stories start to get out? Well, that’s one genie you can’t put back in the bottle.
The latest Popbitch Popquiz is available to buy now for just £3.99. Everything you need to play at home or out with friends. Test your July celebrity gossip knowledge plus music round, making round, BBC word search and craft beer or Chinese film translation?
>> Failed Experiments <<
Old tricks from new media
Spending tens of millions defending itself against Prince Harry’s gang was not the only way the Daily Mail haemorrhaged money in 2026. They also had the New Media Initiative led by wunderkid Nick Moar. This brave new world envisioned itself with “no homepage” at all (RIP to the sidebar of shame) and a complete rebrand to the land of “social news production”.
Plenty of MailOnline veterans were unconvinced by the wincingly embarrassing TikToks and baffled by the eye-watering sums poured into the project. (A Google Doc supplied to steer them through the transition was full of key tips like “don’t ask Kneecap to collab”). They’ve already been proved right.
For all his boasts of knowing how to grab attention on social media, the Insta account Moar used to promote his career had just 752 followers when he was put on gardening leave last week.
Despite the whole office knowing he’d been put out to pastures new, “Moaron” (as he was affectionately known) announced his departure with a series of excruciating Instagram and LinkedIn posts spotlighting “the boldest decision of [his] life”
A sign went up in the Spectator bogs this week advising “no poo in this toilet” due to “sensitive plumbing”. (Note to Michael Gove: don’t invite any dieting celebs to guest edit for a while.)
>> Buzzed Balls <<
Keeping it real on Disney’s paycheck
Good to know that the dizzying heights of Heartstopper and Marvel fame are yet to have an A-list effect on Joe Locke.
He was spotted at London Trans+ Pride last week, marching with some other C-Listers (Ellis Howard, Jack Remmington, various TikTokkers) and keeping it decidedly down to earth.
Around 200 metres into the march Joe disappeared with the rest of the gang towards Cavendish Square, reappearing giddily 10 minutes later with armfuls of AU Vodka cans.
Which is probably the most fun way to shake off the shackles of his PG heartthrob label, just as the Heartstopper: Forever movie comes out.
Spotted: Katie Price’s ex-husband Kieran Hayler enjoying a few games of padel at Hurlands in Farnham. Surprisingly good. Not laying low after the Sky doc (or his upcoming rape trial), then.
>> Mothballs <<
The cupboards are bare
TalkTV was launched by News UK in 2022 to be a ‘proper’ TV channel, complete with Piers Morgan as star presenter and a host of big ideas to take on the MSM. Budgets back then were big enough for a load of expensive outfits to dress up their newsreaders.
But then the losses mounted, the budgets dried up, Morgan spun-off a successful solo project and the TV station was downgraded to an online streamer.
All those fancy outfits were forgotten and left to rot. So moths took over where the journalists had vacated. They ate up the trouser suits, multiplying massively (the moths, not the hacks). And now the entire 10th floor of the News UK building needs to be fumigated.
Nominative Determinism of the Week: Former treasurer of the Sedgeford Historical and Archaeological Research Project who had to sell her home to repay the £115,000 she stole from the charity... Pamela Bent.
>> Bill Oddity <<
Drowning not waving
It’s fairly well known that Peter Cook once saved David Frost from drowning, but perhaps less so that Bill Oddie (RIP) owed the last 40 years of his life to Freddy, from Rainbow’s Rod, Jane and Freddy.
Oddie got into trouble in the sea off the Seychelles back in the 1980s. Freddy, who happened to be holidaying there too, had been a lifeguard so jumped in and rescued Oddie.
Peter Cook liked to answer the question “what is your biggest regret?” with “saving David Frost from drowning”.
Freddy said no such thing.
Know of any other celebrities saving their fellow famouses from a watery demise? Email hello@popbitch.com
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>> Can’t Buy Me Love <<
Baby you’re a rich man
Even multimillionaires are scandalised by pastry inflation these days. Ringo Starr and his wife were spotted taking a leisurely stroll down King’s Road the other day before popping into Paul (where else?) for a pain au chocolat. Ringo was overheard sounding particularly shocked by the price. Those kinds of frivolous purchases will eat their way into a $350 million fortune, we suppose.
If you think Nolans Uncensored is the kind of podcast you could only get on an Alan Partridge episode, think again. It has the perfect content too. This week: James Haskell on his marriage to Chloe Madeley, “I had 12 trips to Ibiza in one year just after Chloe had a baby. And should I have done all them? No.”
>> Hmms <<
Internet bright spots of the week
Bad news for size L, they’re all gone, but fear not - there are still a few other sizes of Popbitch t-shirts left
[Get ‘em while you can]
Does Andy Burnham remind you of a badger?
[It’s more common than you’d think]
The overjoyed, newly-signed players of Tranmere Rovers
[Congrats lad]
Trump goes slightly off-script at Lindsey Graham’s funeral
[Do not trust him to do your eulogy]
Inside Josh Kushner’s plan to buy FIFA
[Not the Trump son-in-law, the other one]
A Prince musical is coming to Broadway next year
[Based on his 80s film Purple Rain]
It’ll have to go some to be better than Prince himself on Muppets Tonight
[Comedy gold]
Inside the men-only gyms protecting Christian blokes from lust
[Alternative theories are available]
Fancy buying a swingers’ club in Richard Tice’s constituency?
[It’s a bargain]
Thanks to: KK, bobbifleckmann, RC, Lady Gabbag, CI, LB, CP, MDS, SW, danceswithmustelids, KJ.
And to everyone who pointed out the theatre/play snafu in last week’s edition; The Oresteia at the Bridge Theatre, not The Osteria. We must have been daydreaming about a glass of Barolo and wedge of parmesan.
Old Jokes Home
Q: Where does a mansplainer get his water from?
A: From a well, actually.
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