Daddy Says No
#1292
Hallelujah, the end to jackhammering is here, thanks to LELO. Their new Ina Thrust dual-rabbit massager is the antidote to rhythmic rutting. And it's perfect for the heatwave - just connect it to LELO's app and leave your hands free for portable fan use.
Even better, right now Popbitch readers get 20% off all products with the code POP20.
“It’s not often I go cardigan mode, it’s a different state of mind” - Yung Gravy
* How To Launder Money
* Captain Kuwait
* PLUS: Remembering Bonnie Tyler
Stuff amusing us this week - since 2000. Send us tips & trivia, via email, WhatsApp +44 7923 619540 or DM on Instagram.
>> The Perfect Crime <<
Prepping the Getaway Car
We’re not saying that a huge wedding at MSG on the biggest weekend of the year for the US is the perfect alibi for a crime of revenge, but...
It is interesting that Shamrock Holdings Ltd - the Disney owned company which bought up all of Taylor Swift’s masters in 2020 - was breached by hackers on the same day as the Taylor x Travis nuptials.
The size of the hack is as yet unknown, and, as Taylor got all her masters rights back in 2023, she wouldn’t have anything else to nick... unless... it was a wedding present from one of her obsessive Swifties?
Either that or Travis Kelce is a secret computer hacker genius (probably not).
Carrie Johnson’s name on Facebook is Carrie Apples.
>> Trump Cards <<
They believe that they will win
Donald Trump’s interference in Folarin Balogun’s match ban may not have made any difference to the USMNT being thrashed out of the World Cup by Belgium (it probably did), but it is notable in that it’s a rare Trump incident where he actually wasn’t completely lying.
During a press conference at the White House with Gianni Infantino, Trump claimed he had no idea what a red card even was until the previous week, when USA played Bosnia.
Which initially struck some as another presidential fib. After all Trump played soccer in his high school days, and was on the first team in his senior year at NYMA.
The catch is that he’s so old that this would have been before red cards were introduced to global football, in 1970.
Spotted in Camden’s Worlds End pub: Chris McCormack from Three Colours Red, wearing a Barfly t-shirt and telling everyone who would listen that he’s a proud owner of that newly reopened rock institution.
>> Big Question <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which grumpy high-profile breakfast TV broadcaster turned culture warrior is inciting pure hatred among his production crew for his habit of going to the toilet on set with his mic still on, so they can hear every single shit and piss he takes?
It’s been 25 years of Popbitch, and to mark the quarter century we’re teaming up for some exciting collaborations with a few of the more interesting new artists, individuals and publications we’ve found on the pop culture scene.
Here comes #1 - A special range of PB T-shirts.
We worked with Mitchell Bradshaw to produce these tees, which celebrate 25 years of non‑stop gossip. Mitchell wormed his way into the world of Popbitch through his in‑print magazine Jeans and its predecessor Southside. Both mags are carrying on the noughties spirit of pills and partying.
Popbitch might have been born a year before Mitchell was, but we’re still immature enough to be able to celebrate our mid‑twenties together.
>> Popbitch Book Club <<
How to win friends and influence people
George Cottrell’s How to Launder Money: A Guide for Law Enforcement, Prosecutors and Policymakers is shaping up to be a popular summer beach read.
And while Nigel Farage is trying to claim that Posh George is just his “Call Me Daddy” friend and benefactor, Georgie’s links with Reform are everywhere.
The book had a flashy launch party back in February this year at one of London’s most expensive hotels, Raffles. The celeb guests? Nige - naturally. Plus Reform MP Richard Tice, Reform Treasurer Nick Candy and Reform London Mayoral candidate - and yesterday’s most car crash interviewee - Laila Cunningham.
Fiver off on Amazon at the minute, too.
The Kuwaiti Defence Attaché arrives to work at the London Kuwait Embassy every day with serious style. In a massive Hummer emblazoned with the Captain America logo.
>> Smell of Success <<
That’s Showbiz, baby
Bosses at the Daily Mail have been celebrating with champagne around the office all week after their Prince Harry victory.
But their journalist underlings - you know, the ones who got exonerated in court this week, giving their bosses something to cheer about - haven’t had such a good time.
Spare a thought for the poor staff at Daily Mail Showbiz. Despite the big court win, they’re enduring the heatwave under a “foul smelling pipe” in the office.
It’s reeking of cabbage and making them all feel sick.
The glamour, eh.
Spotted in the comments section of her own Telegraph articles: Allison Pearson, demanding mods ban anyone who disagrees with her.
>> Blurred Lines <<
Hacked off or tipped off?
Those badly advised celebs who joined Prince Harry in unsuccessfully suing the Daily Mail will probably face a tough few months. Not only will they be terrified that the notoriously grudge-holding Mail Editor-in-Chief will institute a campaign to dig up anything unflattering on them (worry no more: it’s 100% likely). But they’ll be racking their brains on all that old gossip as to whether their phones got hacked, houses got bugged or mates spilled the beans.
In this trial, Mail journalists insisted that all the stories came from simple tip-offs - and credible evidence to the contrary was obviously lacking. But in those early 21st century years, lines between phone hacking and tip offs were often a little blurred.
Go back 20 years and that Primrose Hill set were mystified as to how stories about them always reached the tabloids. One day, Sadie Frost went full Wagatha Christie, long before Wagatha Christie was a thing, and laid a trap.
She invented a story about where she and Kate Moss were going one night. Sure enough, it ended up in the red tops and - rightly or wrongly - PR queen Fran Cutler was given the cold shoulder by the pair. But then, years later, phone hacking claims were made and the Mirror paid out damages.
So Fran was exonerated. But after this, will friends and agents be under suspicion again? It’s a murky world.
David Sherbourne is still not a KC. Many of his peers have been emailing in their droves to gleefully say, “wonder why?”
>> Everything Must Go <<
To Russia again, with love
With his pal Boris Johnson no longer in office, the KGB-adjacent peer Lord Lebedev of Siberia is no longer flavour of the month in the corridors of power.
In recent years his Evening Standard has become just a shadow of a newspaper and The Independent has been up for sale for aeons too - so it seems fair to say our time to have fun with UK media’s oddest proprietor must be coming to an end.
Some media watchers think that end might be nigh, as Evgeny’s Hampton Court estate is on the market.
After a controversial win over Egypt, FIFA have announced that all five of the referees in the World Cup Quarter Final between France and Morocco will be from Argentina. What could go wrong?
>> Please Daddy <<
Sorry, fully booked Sir
Much is made of the timeline of whether Harry did or didn’t want to stay at Buck Palace, whether he gave enough notice or if the ongoing renovations at BP were to blame.
Royal correspondents have been sharing a different theory. It goes that Harry tried to get a last minute night at the country’s premier royal residence so he had the perfect backdrop from which to make his statement about his loss in court i.e. the “whitewash”.
Harry was obviously ignoring (or choosing to ignore) the fact that his Dad is the head of the Justice System. And that therefore attacking his judges might not be the wisest or most popular move from inside Dad’s house.
Paul Dacre’s video statement after beating Prince Harry in court court was his triumph of a victory lap. But given that his angry press releases are usually knocked together by his trusty leader writers at the paper “Diana knew and loved”, was this statement in fact testament to the ghostwriting ability of whoever scripted it?
>> Our Hero <<
Definitely larger than life
RIP 80s legend Bonnie Tyler. We’d love to leave you with some warm and gentle memories of the Welsh icon, but hey ho, this is Popbitch.
To be fair, we never heard anything but praise about Bonnie (real name, Gaynor) from those who knew her. But our abiding memory will be the celeb spot sent in after she was in a rather heated altercation with a gay wine bar proprietor, which finished with Ms Tyler screeching in her inimitable Valleys accent: “At least I takes it up the front door!”.
Bonnie, we’ll miss you.
The limited edition Popbitch - Jeans t-shirts showcase a famous scene in PBHQ history, complete with a Posh’n’Becks cease and desist. Available in 4 sizes. But beware: When they’re gone they’re gone.
25th Anniversary T for £25 (plus £3 p&p, UK only for now)
>> Hmms <<
Internet bright spots of the week
Someone has made a full, searchable archive of every Kanye West tweet from the past 19 years
[Enjoy]
A rolling, updating list of all of Taylor Swift’s wedding guests
[A quiet affair]
Erling Haaland has an impressive collection of Birkins
[More than you’d think a Viking would own]
How a blurry screenshot error became the Charli XCX Brat album cover
[Read on Happy Mag]
Previously unseen footage of Epstein’s nonce island
[Courtesy of TMZ]
Belgium do the Trump victory dance after beating USA 4-1
[Very accurate]
Hundreds of angry BTS fans protest in Chile over cancelled concerts
[Well they are called an army]
Need a new job? The Tories are looking for a Head of Media
[Can’t think why]
Rick Wakeman’s house is up for sale
[The art kind of gives it away...]
The story of the best hip-hop documentary that never got made
[On the Almost Greenlit Substack]
Can a protestant country win the World Cup?
[Probably not]
Thanks to: JH, aglio_olio, PC, Pauly, SW, L, RS, kerching, EIB, TH.
Old Jokes Home
Q: What’s blue and smells like paint?
A: Blue paint
Still Bored?
Do male celebs lie about their heights more than the women? Find out in part two of Bungalow’s Met Gala investigation.
[Plus Kim K’s real height]