Freudian Slip
#1274
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“I don’t mind people thinking I’m an arsehole” - Jonathan Ross
* Undies Shopping with Michael Gove
* Chefs in Revolt
* PLUS: The Daily Mail Goes Blue
Stuff amusing us this week - since 2000. Send us tips & trivia, via email, WhatsApp +44 7923 619540 or DM on Instagram.
>> Prince and Country <<
Don’t you know who I think I am?
The world has changed pretty fast since Andy got arrested a few weeks ago, but you don’t need to fret. We haven’t moved on from making fun of him just yet, so here’s a “Prince” Andrew story upon which to (happy) finish.
A few years ago Andrew attended a swanky event for big cheeses in The City, as he was wont to do.
One of the bankers in attendance struck up a conversation with some American colleagues when all of a sudden who should barge into the group but Andrew Mountbatten. He immediately interrupted the small talk, demanding to know what everyone did.
One of the Americans, entirely ignorant of who the interloper was, returned the question.
Andrew’s reply was swift and snarled: “I run the fucking country.”
Anon writes: “I am currently in the parliamentary offices at Portcullis House and had to go to the men’s toilets. Someone appears to have both blocked a sink and pissed in it.”
>> American Psycho <<
Dark humour in dark times
There’s a joke going round business and diplomatic circles in the Gulf at the moment.
Q: What’s the difference between Trump and Netanyahu?
A: One is the President of the USA. The other is married to Melania.
Headline of the Week: “I‘m trapped and under attack in Dubai - while back home in Chichester my daughters are furious, the labradoodles are sick and, worst of all, I left my Mounjaro pen in the fridge”. (Thanks, as ever, to the Daily Mail).
>> Big Question <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Delta Goodrem is representing Australia at Eurovision this year. But which of her exes was well known to one particular escort service in her homeland? He had a preference for blondes and requested discreet hotel outcalls only, but tipped so poorly that the girls happily dished on him to their friends anyway. (Surprisingly, the answer isn’t Brian McFadden, FYI.)
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>> OtherFans <<
Beavo and buttheads
DMG’s Gen-Z friendly new media strategy is going from strength to strength. The latest respectable face to be featured in the Mail’s new series on corporate life, where they interview “the most interesting Brits” in the world of work? Social media star Beavo.
Presumably on account of Beavo’s food rating videos, rather than the more famous collabs he shoots with Bonnie Blue.
Spotted at last week’s Sirplus sample sale: Michael Gove. He bought jumpers (but did stop to consider the posh boxers) and was left slightly red-faced when the cashier asked him for his name, and then “how to spell Gove”.
>> Freudian Slip <<
What would great grandpa say?
Lily Allen is loved up with her new, post-David Harbour squeeze Jonah Freud (son of Matthew).
A Popbitch reader who was at school with Jonah has an abiding memory of him which detracts somewhat from his Casanova reputation.
Jonah is fondly remembered by fellow students for spending most of his time during class with his hands shoved down the front of his trousers.
Which is fair enough for prep school, but Jonah was pushing 18 at the time.
(Otherwise a perfectly nice chap, apparently).
Paul Dimoldenberg - dad of Chicken Shop Date’s Amelia - cut the ribbon to open the new loos at Piccadilly Circus station yesterday.
>> Chickening Out <<
No such thing as a free lunch
In the past, the path to glory for chefs largely hinged on a stint on a Channel 4 cooking show. Now, it hinges on opening a bolthole restaurant in Wales.
Sometimes though that can go very wrong. Ynyshir - a £500-a-head resto in north Wales - found itself in hot water recently after a humiliating one-star hygiene review.
Attempting to undo the disastrous PR, the double-Michelin-starred Ynyshir sent out a round robin to food journalists inviting them for a chance to eat at the restaurant and find out “how truly incredible and special this place is”.
The eager and underpaid journos were all too happy to oblige, but found themselves blanked by the restaurant. It was radio silence until Ynyshir sent out an update earlier this week saying they were “incredibly honoured on how many of you got back to us regarding attendance... however due to the amount of events we have booked we are going to have to postpone this opportunity for the moment, to give our staff the correct days off etc.”
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>> Kitchen Revolt <<
Too many cooks
The shouty, bullying chef is a well-worked trope, but it seems not all staff are prepared to take it anymore. Not even those at the most famous restaurants in the world.
Next week, Noma’s René Redzepi opens a $1,500-per-seat pop-up in LA, bankrolled by American Express.
On the same day, 11th March, former staff will be hosting a silent vigil outside the venue, to protest their descriptions of “years of physical violence, sexual harassment, and exploitation of unpaid labor”.
They’ve even set up a website noma-abuse.com which purports to detail claims of abuse by 56 former Noma workers.
If you fancy going to the LA protest, more info here.
Fans at Cruz Beckham’s Cardiff gig last week received a commemorative ticket for the show. Sadly, the ticket in question proclaimed Cardiff to be in England.
>> Jeeves, My Gloves <<
One does not touch
Jacob Rees-Mogg was among the great and the good speaking to sixth-formers at a Westminster politics conference on Monday. Despite the stormy reception he got from the 17-year-olds, the minister-turned-GB-News-host remained polite all the way through.
After his speech, JRM saw a group of six school kids in the corridor and walked towards them. He greeted the group of four boys and two girls. Then proceeded to shake hands with three of the boys. One of the girls said ‘hello’, Rees-Mogg said hello back. Then shook the hand of the final boy and walked off.
Spotted in Strangers Bar in parliament: Sam from the last series of The Traitors.
>> Honoured Gests <<
Dinner isn’t served
Next month it will be a whole decade since David Gest died, but he’s back in the news with a vengeance, thanks to Liza Minnelli’s salacious memoirs. Liza absolutely destroys his reputation - one sample quote reads “the insanity I went through married to conman David Gest.”
Conman does seem to be a good description. One big charity contacted us this week to say they had to ban him from attending their functions.
Why? Because he would stand up and offer something like hosting dinner for ten people at The Ivy or another hot restaurant. People would cheer, he would take the applause and the prize would be auctioned for a considerable sum.
But that’s the last the charity would hear from him. They could never properly make contact with him after, leaving them acutely embarrassed and having to return the generous donations.
Do something different this Mother’s Day (15th March). Celebrate the Italian way with a relaxed, hands-on three-course cooking class. Starring 2 fresh pasta mains, an indulgent dessert and expert tuition, in central London.
[Book Morning] [Book Afternoon]
>> Hmms <<
Internet bright spots of the week
Live Nation made a lot of money last year but paid zero tax
[Thanks to the Big Beautiful Bill]
Nicola Sturgeon’s sister challenged to boxing match after TikTok row with poet
[Sure, why not]
Inside the global Pokemon crime wave
[Gotta catch ‘em all]
The Tripadvisor reviews for Dubai’s five star hotels are getting... interesting
[Good buffet, too many drone strikes]
Football nominative determinism - Bristol City has just appointed as their new CEO - Andrew Boss!
[He’s the boss]
Hundreds of capybaras have taken over a luxury gated community in Argentina
[Victory to the proletariat!]
The perfect gift for the German speaking Eurovision fan in your life! ESC – The smallest book about the biggest music event
[Buy now]
Thanks to: Earl of Essex, Huw, GZJ, TS, DT, FM, Decaboy.
Old Jokes Home
I joined a dating site for arsonists. They sent me loads of matches.
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