Got Change For A Fifty?
#1278
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“These days, not a month goes by without some conniving hack publishing a book about what Bowie meant to them... I myself have contributed two” - Dylan Jones
* Who’s The Next James Bond?
* Tess Daly’s Birthday Whipround
* PLUS: Aw Shit, Here We Go Again
Stuff amusing us this week - since 2000. Send us tips & trivia, via email, WhatsApp +44 7923 619540 or DM on Instagram.
>> Short Temper <<
Fools (don’t) rush in
Actor Warwick Davis found himself unexpectedly in the tabloids last week as he was spotted out with a new girlfriend following his wife’s sad death a couple years back.
Davis was apparently unhappy about the coverage, so yesterday he rocked up at reception at the Daily Mail, asking to see the editor.
Reception dutifully called up to the paper, whispering that there was a famous dwarf at reception demanding to talk to someone about a story.
The journalists upstairs rolled their eyes, told them something like “yep, great April Fools”. So no-one took any notice of the request.
After about another 15 minutes with no attention, Davis got back into his car and left, headed towards the US Embassy, where he was spotted attending an appointment shortly after.
Islington local Richard West put himself forward to stand for the Green Party in Canonbury, but after hustings didn’t get the nod. Which means The Green Party just turned down their chance to be represented by Mr C from The Shamen.
>> Rumour Mills <<
Everything is just #content
It would be a lie to say there’s never been any calls at PBHQ for Scott Mills to be sacked.
Granted, they only ever came for about 5 minutes in mid-May, when Scott’s shameless thieving of Popbitch’s Eurovision guide in his commentary riled up someone enough to start tutting ominously about how “if there’s any justice in the world, it would catch up with him one day...”
Even so, this week did feel quite brutal.
It certainly seems that the catalyst for Mill’s renewed complaint was the Huw Edwards story dramatisation on TV. But with few actual details being officially released by the BBC, the rumour mills - no pun intended - obviously went crazy.
Media and content vultures have made a bumper payload in the past few days and as you might expect the Daily Mail is chief among them. Their chutzpah is surprising considering that one of DMG’s own key figures is currently facing down legal enquiries regarding their personal behaviour with some of the younger employees.
But to see who takes the actual chutzpah biscuit, you’ll have to go to LinkedIn.
One particularly popular #inspirational #content post used Scott’s sacking to demonstrate the importance of “how to manage risk and how that can unintentionally create a second reputational problem”.
One of those pressing “like”? Huw Edwards.
The bridge at Fleet motorway service station is named after Scott Mills. For now at least.
>> Big Question <<
Who’s asking what this week?
Which former Tory MP was known in his heyday for being an absolute letch at his daughter’s birthday parties?
Mind you, given his recent headlines it stands to reason that he was probably quite fun at parties too.
The world in 2026 is unstable and insecure. And the oil prices are too expensive to go anywhere nice this long weekend.
So while you stay at home scrolling get yourself the best digital protection you can.
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>> Knob Salad <<
A special request
With the Chiltern Firehouse taking its time to reopen after the fire, celebrity gossip and scandal from the heart of central London has inevitably slowed.
It was around Chiltern that all the most debauched, defamatory and fun titbits seemed to circulate - probably because it was where A-Listers (and the B, C, and D-Listers who followed them) went to be demanding.
It’s unsurprising that among the worst offenders was Harvey Weinstein. He was a regular patron in its early days and, we understand, had one special culinary request. Harv would demand uniquely finely sliced lettuce. So finely sliced that the chefs would have to use 15 lettuce heads to get to the primo bit that Harvey especially enjoyed.
Probably not the kind of lunchtime slop served up to him at Rikers these days.
Spotted at old Soho haunt Andrew Edmunds: Michael Portillo, having dinner with a young blonde woman.
>> Family Friendly <<
A Surprisingly PG diva
For years brands have girded their loins and hunkered down to work with the stalwart queen of the British fashion industry - Naomi Campbell.
Teflon Naomi has retained her legend status despite endless controversies about her general diva misbehaviour (and of course that time she testified at a trial about blood diamonds).
But recently execs have a new worry to contend to, which might just blow all of those relatively minor concerns out of the water... Naomi’s appearance in the Epstein files is not exactly great PR for any brand she works with.
Which is a particular shame as one heritage brand had seemingly finally discovered the secret to keeping the diva happy on set. She’s really good at working with kids.
Frankie Dettori’s bankruptcy troubles continue - he is currently living in the little town of Bawtry, on the edge of glamorous Doncaster.
>> Nerd Def Con 6 <<
Aw shit, here we go again
Around the world gamers are hunkered down in their goon chairs anxiously awaiting the delayed release of Grand Theft Auto VI. The game has now been in development for a cool eight years, with costs estimated to be running somewhere near $3 billion.
But that wait might just go on for a little bit longer.
Rumours down the pub in Dundee - the birthplace of the original GTA Franchise - is that the hold up is due to the fact a particular feature in the game is completely broken. Early versions of the game were not built with this feature in mind, and so it was accidentally developed in such a way that adding this feature to the game is highly advanced work that requires extremely experienced technical knowledge.
(Not helped by the fact that the guy in charge of getting this feature implemented was one of those laid off by Rockstar after trying to unionise at the back end of 2025.)
But, you might be saying, why can’t they just push on regardless?The rumour is that the missing feature is the ability to save and load the game.
Nominative Determinism of the Week: Male fertility doctor and vasectomy provider... Dr Eric K Seaman.
>> Sky Battles <<
Taking it in Stride
Given all of the defections and infighting in Westminster these days, Sky News producers have their work cut out keeping enemies far apart on the schedule to avoid any awkward encounters.
Sadly it doesn’t always work.
Shadow Chancellor Sir Mel Stride bumped into his old colleague, Little Robert Jenrick, for the first time since Jenrick scarpered off to Reform.
Having finished during the morning media round in Millbank, Mel was on his way out while little Bobby was on his way in. Once Jenrick clocked Mel he quickly and sheepishly looked down at his phone, determined that the best course of action was to ignore him. Sadly Stride’s SpAd had other ideas and boomed “Morning Sheriff” - referring to a particularly cringeworthy section of Jenrick's leaked defection plan.
Furious that the piss was being taken out of him at the Sky studios, Jenrick did what every minister you’ve ever watched in the Thick Of It would do. He blamed his own adviser, snapping “Aren't you going to say anything?”
You just can’t get the help these days, eh.
BTS’s comeback album, Arirang, inevitably, is the Billboard number one album this week. It’s also got the highest one-week sale by a group since current records began in 2014.
>> Bond Market <<
From Moordale with love
The “Who will be the next James Bond?” story seems to have been around longer than we have. (In fact, we still have a betting slip for Aidan Turner dating back to 2015.)
The most recent name being touted around?
Sex Education’s Connor Swindells.
A US casting agent has been tipping him as one of the current favourites because he’s about the right age (29), “Amazon loved him in Rogue Heroes” and, crucially, he’s “not well known enough to have baggage”.
Take all those signs the Universe is showing you, then ask a question like a modern day Magic 8 Ball, and get the true answer to what all those signs you’re running up again really mean.
>> Birthday Whipround <<
Cake and candles, sister
Tess Daly celebrated a very special birthday - her 57th - at Bob Bob Ricard this week.
The best thing about a birthday meal, as we all know, is that someone else has to pick up the bill. Which is handy for Tess: she was infamous among runners on Strictly for asking them to nip out to pick her up some stuff from the shops and then leaving them to pay for it themselves.
They were able to claim that money back through expenses, but runners can barely afford their own shopping on their salaries – much less the talent’s as well. One runner who finally did chalk up the courage to admit they didn’t have the funds to cover Tess’s snack bill heard Tess sigh a weary “fine!” before opening her purse to reveal a massive wad of fifties.
We wish her all the birthday best, and Popbitch for one is delighted that Tess has made peace with her age. Given that she previously had two 40th birthday parties. Six whole years apart.
Headline of the Week? “JFK Jr and Carolyn Bessette’s REAL dying moments revealed in horrifying minute-by-minute detail: Her passenger seat terror... the graveyard spiral... violent moment of impact... and his last five words”. Thanks, Daily Mail, because everyone was wondering.
>> Audience Participation <<
All that’s fit to print
One has to feel slightly sorry for Guardian theatre critic Mark Lawson. He was probably expecting a quiet night when he was spotted attending the press night of In The Print - a play about the siege of Wapping - at the King’s Head Theatre on Monday.
However, the theatre sat him beside famously loquacious Welshman Neil Kinnock. Then, after the play ended, he attempted a hasty retreat but found himself queueing behind someone declaring “even that fat cunt Lawson was applauding like a bastard”.
After finally escaping to the lobby, his exit was blocked by Brian Cox, blaming Rupert Murdoch in full salty mouth Logan Royal style for the destruction apparently everything good in Britain. Seemingly believing Lawson was a Murdoch apparatchik.
March Popbitch Popquiz - Buy It Here
Including the usual monthly news and trivia, “Jackie Chan Film or Sex Toy?” and a Scott Mills Leaving Card Making Round, plus more.
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>> Hmms <<
Internet bright spots of the week
Nasher from Frankie Goes To Hollywood is now hosting a Liverpool music walking tour
[Tickets are a bargain too]
Which songs really have mass appeal?
[Submit to Universal Music Reviews]
The church on the cover of JD Vance’s new book about Catholicism is Methodist
[Straight to hell sadly]
At least the US military still has time to give Kid Rock a flyby
[It’s giving Alabama]
If you haven’t seen the photos of Kristi Noem’s husband with his fake “3000cc” breasts
[Daily Mail exclusive]
At least in the Noems’ South Dakota hometown there’s sympathy
[NYT’s thoughtful coverage]
Sequins, pyro and squabbling countries at war. No, it’s not Eurovision 2026
[It’s Eurovision Asia]
WW3 might be starting but some good news at last
[Baby panda alert]
Stella McCartney threatens otters in Scotland
[Booooo Stella]
Thanks to: AC, DC, Posh_Duckhunter, NS, PM, J, PD, aglio_olio, DC, RH, PR, JJ and CL.
Old Jokes Home
A lion would never drive under the influence.
But a Tiger Wood.
Still Bored?
The Isle of Wight now has a community of dedicated poo spotters. [Not a lot going on in the Isle of Wight eh]